Agenda
The Role of Vulnerability in Building Strong Romantic Partnerships
The Role of Vulnerability in Building Strong Romantic Partnerships
Début de l'événement :
17.12.2023
Fin de l'événement :
19.12.2023
Chapo de l'article :
The 5 Warning Signs Of A Bad Relationship
Stop Comparing Us To Aidan From Sex And The City!
The Truth About Women’s Dating Blogs
Is Bradley Cooper The Male Carrie Bradshaw?
My Low-Maintenance Dream Girl Wishlist
The Little Things Women Do That Turn Men On
Being A Bitch Can Save Your Love Life
Why Your Dating Standards Start with You
The Backlash of Fornication for Single Christians
Learn to Trust God’s Warnings in Relationships
10 Qualities Saved Sisters Seek in a Man
Overcoming Dating Angst as a Christian
Just finished reading Saibear’s blog and skimming through the posts. I try to mostly stay a silent observer on these things, but I feel the need to add my voice to this conversation. My voice being the voice of a NON-feminist brother.
Point Black – if a man is not trying to holla at you, most of the time it has nothing to do with your political views or intelligence – he most likely is just not that attracted to you. Never in my 37 years of life have I ever heard or encountered a Black man who said “oh she is fine, but I don’t like her politics”. As a heterosexual male, please believe me if we find a woman physically attractive and even think that she has just a OK personality, we are not going to let your politics get in the way.
In my opinion, if a man is not reciprocating the interest of a woman, there is only a short list of what is going on – 1) He does not find you physically attractive (in my single days, if I had someone in the friendbox, this was the #1 reason), 2) He does not like your personality , 3) He likes you and does not know how to close the deal or 4)He already has a woman somewhere and he is one of those rare brothers that actually respect the boundaries of relationships.
That is it. Normal every day heterosexual males are not complex….
Sofia
July 15, 2010 at 4:31 pm
@Saibear. Thank you very much for the clarification. I understand your position much better. Yes, it can be very difficult to tease out all the issues in general never mind in a blog post. Everyone who writes — especially on a public, online forum — struggles with that. If it were all that simple, we woulda done kicked patriarchy’s ass by now. :-0
@Toldja. There’s been a whole lotta of assignation going on both ends. I’ll take responsibility and apologize for any leaps I might have made. (Keep in mind that I’m carrying with me some comments made on the blog where the original post lives and not just what was said here. In fact, the position, “You are heteronormative, that’s wack and we aren’t trying to hear it” was the at the core of a comment ironically that came from a poster who in her initial post was very dismissive of the blog’s author.” Perhaps not everyone who is posting here has read all that’s been posted there; my bad for assuming that.)
Stop Comparing Us To Aidan From Sex And The City!
The Truth About Women’s Dating Blogs
Is Bradley Cooper The Male Carrie Bradshaw?
My Low-Maintenance Dream Girl Wishlist
The Little Things Women Do That Turn Men On
Being A Bitch Can Save Your Love Life
Why Your Dating Standards Start with You
The Backlash of Fornication for Single Christians
Learn to Trust God’s Warnings in Relationships
10 Qualities Saved Sisters Seek in a Man
Overcoming Dating Angst as a Christian
Just finished reading Saibear’s blog and skimming through the posts. I try to mostly stay a silent observer on these things, but I feel the need to add my voice to this conversation. My voice being the voice of a NON-feminist brother.
Point Black – if a man is not trying to holla at you, most of the time it has nothing to do with your political views or intelligence – he most likely is just not that attracted to you. Never in my 37 years of life have I ever heard or encountered a Black man who said “oh she is fine, but I don’t like her politics”. As a heterosexual male, please believe me if we find a woman physically attractive and even think that she has just a OK personality, we are not going to let your politics get in the way.
In my opinion, if a man is not reciprocating the interest of a woman, there is only a short list of what is going on – 1) He does not find you physically attractive (in my single days, if I had someone in the friendbox, this was the #1 reason), 2) He does not like your personality , 3) He likes you and does not know how to close the deal or 4)He already has a woman somewhere and he is one of those rare brothers that actually respect the boundaries of relationships.
That is it. Normal every day heterosexual males are not complex….
Sofia
July 15, 2010 at 4:31 pm
@Saibear. Thank you very much for the clarification. I understand your position much better. Yes, it can be very difficult to tease out all the issues in general never mind in a blog post. Everyone who writes — especially on a public, online forum — struggles with that. If it were all that simple, we woulda done kicked patriarchy’s ass by now. :-0
@Toldja. There’s been a whole lotta of assignation going on both ends. I’ll take responsibility and apologize for any leaps I might have made. (Keep in mind that I’m carrying with me some comments made on the blog where the original post lives and not just what was said here. In fact, the position, “You are heteronormative, that’s wack and we aren’t trying to hear it” was the at the core of a comment ironically that came from a poster who in her initial post was very dismissive of the blog’s author.” Perhaps not everyone who is posting here has read all that’s been posted there; my bad for assuming that.)
TheRoleOfVulnerabilityInBuildingStrongRo (Blog)
créée le 17.12.2024 à 10:34, mise à jour le 17.12.2024 à 10:34.
créée le 17.12.2024 à 10:34, mise à jour le 17.12.2024 à 10:34.
Special Kind of Fool: My Journey to Understanding Deep Love
Special Kind of Fool: My Journey to Understanding Deep Love
Date de l'article :
19.12.2021
Début de l'événement :
26.12.2022
Fin de l'événement :
28.12.2022
Chapo de l'article :
Rediscovering Love on My Own Terms
Single Men Who Want More Women
Open Letter To Men Who Want More
For Men Who Love Poly Dating
Progressive Love Applauds Too $hort
Is Love the Most Feared Emotion?
Love Kills Self Love & Self Esteem
Are Nagging & Cheating Equally Damaging?
Why Do We Fall In Love? Is It Healthy?
Why Master Monogamy
Uncle Elmer August 30, 2014 at 06:58
In other news : Looks like another case of Social Justice Warriors at work posting fake KKK recruitment flyers.
And look out, here comes da flood.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0
TFH August 30, 2014 at 11:34
So I am going to verbalize what we here know, but needs to be spread far and wide.
What is the purpose of ‘feminism’, if not to halt this sort of sex-trafficking?
Is there ANY other thing that ‘feminism’ should prioritize, if it were a legitimate political cause of any sort?
Instead, what they do is :
1) Use the government to artificially create a Sheryl Sandberg who would not exist in the free market.
2) Crow about an imaginary rape culture among Westerners, while ignoring a REAL rape culture.
3) Whine about not enough women receiving the money generated from the tech industry (note that there is no talk of actually doing tech work, on their part).
….and a host of other phony causes.
If ‘feminism’ could not organize against this, then no one should pretend it is a real cause whatsoever.
That is the drum we have to beat.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 32 Thumb down 1
Nate August 30, 2014 at 15:30
Yet, it’s the “misogynists” in the manosphere who are appalled by this. Pick a site at random and you will find a post condemning what happened. Look to a feminist or mainstream site – crickets.
Single Men Who Want More Women
Open Letter To Men Who Want More
For Men Who Love Poly Dating
Progressive Love Applauds Too $hort
Is Love the Most Feared Emotion?
Love Kills Self Love & Self Esteem
Are Nagging & Cheating Equally Damaging?
Why Do We Fall In Love? Is It Healthy?
Why Master Monogamy
Uncle Elmer August 30, 2014 at 06:58
In other news : Looks like another case of Social Justice Warriors at work posting fake KKK recruitment flyers.
And look out, here comes da flood.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0
TFH August 30, 2014 at 11:34
So I am going to verbalize what we here know, but needs to be spread far and wide.
What is the purpose of ‘feminism’, if not to halt this sort of sex-trafficking?
Is there ANY other thing that ‘feminism’ should prioritize, if it were a legitimate political cause of any sort?
Instead, what they do is :
1) Use the government to artificially create a Sheryl Sandberg who would not exist in the free market.
2) Crow about an imaginary rape culture among Westerners, while ignoring a REAL rape culture.
3) Whine about not enough women receiving the money generated from the tech industry (note that there is no talk of actually doing tech work, on their part).
….and a host of other phony causes.
If ‘feminism’ could not organize against this, then no one should pretend it is a real cause whatsoever.
That is the drum we have to beat.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 32 Thumb down 1
Nate August 30, 2014 at 15:30
Yet, it’s the “misogynists” in the manosphere who are appalled by this. Pick a site at random and you will find a post condemning what happened. Look to a feminist or mainstream site – crickets.
SpecialKindOfFoolMyJourneyToUnderstandi (Blog)
créée le 10.12.2024 à 10:38, mise à jour le 10.12.2024 à 10:38.
créée le 10.12.2024 à 10:38, mise à jour le 10.12.2024 à 10:38.
Double Standards in Relationships: Men vs. Women
Double Standards in Relationships: Men vs. Women
Date de l'article :
24.12.2022
Début de l'événement :
24.12.2022
Fin de l'événement :
26.12.2022
Chapo de l'article :
The Wingwoman
Change You Can Believe In: Yourself
Quick to Pass Judgment
Why Some People Hate Valentine’s Day
I’m Single on Valentine’s Day
My Secret Social Identity
What Exactly Is Dating? It’s Ambiguous.
Why Love Is Not a First Sight Thing
Chivalry Makes Women Feel Good
Relationship Experts: Hate The Player Or The Game?
The Double Standard of Men and Women
The Double Standard of Men and Women
The Double Standard of Men and Women
8 Ways to Make a Guy Not Want to Sleep with You
8 Ways to Make a Woman NOT Want to Sleep with You
As much as we’d like to, we cannot overlook gender differences. In a perfect world, your hypothetical scenario would be comparing apples to apples; currently it’s like comparing apples to hubcaps. I do not claim a woman’s libido is any less than a man’s, simply that her social and biological connection to it are different. All want for hedonism aside, your proposed revolution puts women at a disadvantage, bearing the burden and the risks while failures are dismissed as “he wasn’t good enough for you anyway then.”
Someone needs to be putting on the breaks. We cannot all do as we wish at all times sexually, as there are consequences. I do not know why the female ends up being the Guardian of Temple Punani, but this dynamic has evolved for a reason. There are other means to achieve gender equity with sex other than advocating people screw whenever they please. Women think they are empowered because they “date/fuck like a man” when in fact, no one should be.
As an addendum to an atrociously long reply, I hope this is all taken as spirited debate (as spirited as one can be on the internet) and not personal in any way.
Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
Reply
19jackie March 5, 2010 at 5:34 PM
Themis, spirited debate is far more interesting that agreeing with people who already agree with me. If we don’t discuss these things openly, it’s impossible to make progress. I have to say this: had she asked me to wait, I would not have labeled her a tease; I would have respected her position as I respect yours. I’ll also submit that I have been the one to walk away from sex on more than one occasion, unafraid of what would be thought of me.
Change You Can Believe In: Yourself
Quick to Pass Judgment
Why Some People Hate Valentine’s Day
I’m Single on Valentine’s Day
My Secret Social Identity
What Exactly Is Dating? It’s Ambiguous.
Why Love Is Not a First Sight Thing
Chivalry Makes Women Feel Good
Relationship Experts: Hate The Player Or The Game?
The Double Standard of Men and Women
The Double Standard of Men and Women
The Double Standard of Men and Women
8 Ways to Make a Guy Not Want to Sleep with You
8 Ways to Make a Woman NOT Want to Sleep with You
As much as we’d like to, we cannot overlook gender differences. In a perfect world, your hypothetical scenario would be comparing apples to apples; currently it’s like comparing apples to hubcaps. I do not claim a woman’s libido is any less than a man’s, simply that her social and biological connection to it are different. All want for hedonism aside, your proposed revolution puts women at a disadvantage, bearing the burden and the risks while failures are dismissed as “he wasn’t good enough for you anyway then.”
Someone needs to be putting on the breaks. We cannot all do as we wish at all times sexually, as there are consequences. I do not know why the female ends up being the Guardian of Temple Punani, but this dynamic has evolved for a reason. There are other means to achieve gender equity with sex other than advocating people screw whenever they please. Women think they are empowered because they “date/fuck like a man” when in fact, no one should be.
As an addendum to an atrociously long reply, I hope this is all taken as spirited debate (as spirited as one can be on the internet) and not personal in any way.
Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
Reply
19jackie March 5, 2010 at 5:34 PM
Themis, spirited debate is far more interesting that agreeing with people who already agree with me. If we don’t discuss these things openly, it’s impossible to make progress. I have to say this: had she asked me to wait, I would not have labeled her a tease; I would have respected her position as I respect yours. I’ll also submit that I have been the one to walk away from sex on more than one occasion, unafraid of what would be thought of me.
DoubleStandardsInRelationshipsMenVsWome (Blog)
créée le 19.12.2024 à 10:46, mise à jour le 19.12.2024 à 10:46.
créée le 19.12.2024 à 10:46, mise à jour le 19.12.2024 à 10:46.
The Evolution of Dating Norms in the Digital Age
The Evolution of Dating Norms in the Digital Age
Date de l'article :
24.12.2022
Début de l'événement :
24.12.2022
Fin de l'événement :
26.12.2022
Chapo de l'article :
A Few Thoughts on Conflict in Dating
Why Trying to "Be More Feminine or Masculine" is a Trap
"Not Good Enough"
Chasing After Instant Chemistry is Foolish
Does Longevity in the Past = Mature Dater Today?
Are You Really Prepared for a Relationship?
Guys Don’t Want to Date “One of The Guys”
Things I Have Learned About Dating
Fear in Dating and Relationships
Does the Person You're Dating Make You Smile
Marrige and Happiness
Is Your Resolution to Find Love in the New Year?
Disappearing Dates
Anyway just for a bit of an alternative point of view, I’m actually loving the ‘erasure’ of sexuality you’re all complaining about. I wouldn’t really call it that, but it seems to be the same thing as you’re talking about. I thought I was a lesbian until very recently (wayyy too late in life to have such a revelation, really!), when I met my current, male, partner. This is the best relationship I’ve ever had, for reasons that absolutely do not directly involve his gender. But indirectly? The reason I’m not so stressed and worrying in this relationship is because we don’t have to keep anything secret or be nervous and hide it when we’re outside in case someone makes a comment. Being in an opposite-sex relationship is amazing. I’m sorry it has to be the case, but it really is true. I think I’m probably about 99% gay and 1% straight… ish.
Heterosexual privilege can feel wonderful indeed, when it’s something you aren’t used to. I sometimes wonder what it would feel like to be with a guy and have it again, albeit in a different way from how I felt it before — and noticed its loss when I was in a publicly same-sex relationship for a year or so after I transitioned, as compared to the publicly different-sex relationship (so far as the world was concerned) that I was in prior to my transition.
I should add that I do sort of identify as bisexual, even though I have never in my life been with a guy, either before or after my transition. I assume that it’s OK to do that.
Completely ok in my book. I don’t hold to the notion that experience is required before anyone gets to ID as a particular orientation, and I’ll push back against anyone who does. Welcome to the bi club. :)
Me neither, maedchen. Bi is, in my book, people who have been attracted to <1 genders. No sex, dating or relationships required.
I can certainly understand not wanting to be part of the queer community, especially given the bad history of the word queer. I wonder though what you meant by this:
Also, just because I have a certain sexuality doesn’t mean I’m part of some mythical community. I’m part of the normal community, thanks.
since the queer community is neither mythical not abnormal.
Yeah, that was my reaction too. I freely admit that it’s mostly spurred by bitterness.
Why Trying to "Be More Feminine or Masculine" is a Trap
"Not Good Enough"
Chasing After Instant Chemistry is Foolish
Does Longevity in the Past = Mature Dater Today?
Are You Really Prepared for a Relationship?
Guys Don’t Want to Date “One of The Guys”
Things I Have Learned About Dating
Fear in Dating and Relationships
Does the Person You're Dating Make You Smile
Marrige and Happiness
Is Your Resolution to Find Love in the New Year?
Disappearing Dates
Anyway just for a bit of an alternative point of view, I’m actually loving the ‘erasure’ of sexuality you’re all complaining about. I wouldn’t really call it that, but it seems to be the same thing as you’re talking about. I thought I was a lesbian until very recently (wayyy too late in life to have such a revelation, really!), when I met my current, male, partner. This is the best relationship I’ve ever had, for reasons that absolutely do not directly involve his gender. But indirectly? The reason I’m not so stressed and worrying in this relationship is because we don’t have to keep anything secret or be nervous and hide it when we’re outside in case someone makes a comment. Being in an opposite-sex relationship is amazing. I’m sorry it has to be the case, but it really is true. I think I’m probably about 99% gay and 1% straight… ish.
Heterosexual privilege can feel wonderful indeed, when it’s something you aren’t used to. I sometimes wonder what it would feel like to be with a guy and have it again, albeit in a different way from how I felt it before — and noticed its loss when I was in a publicly same-sex relationship for a year or so after I transitioned, as compared to the publicly different-sex relationship (so far as the world was concerned) that I was in prior to my transition.
I should add that I do sort of identify as bisexual, even though I have never in my life been with a guy, either before or after my transition. I assume that it’s OK to do that.
Completely ok in my book. I don’t hold to the notion that experience is required before anyone gets to ID as a particular orientation, and I’ll push back against anyone who does. Welcome to the bi club. :)
Me neither, maedchen. Bi is, in my book, people who have been attracted to <1 genders. No sex, dating or relationships required.
I can certainly understand not wanting to be part of the queer community, especially given the bad history of the word queer. I wonder though what you meant by this:
Also, just because I have a certain sexuality doesn’t mean I’m part of some mythical community. I’m part of the normal community, thanks.
since the queer community is neither mythical not abnormal.
Yeah, that was my reaction too. I freely admit that it’s mostly spurred by bitterness.
TheEvolutionOfDatingNormsInTheDigitalAg (Blog)
créée le 26.12.2024 à 11:51, mise à jour le 26.12.2024 à 11:51.
créée le 26.12.2024 à 11:51, mise à jour le 26.12.2024 à 11:51.
Stop Acting Like a Ditz!
Stop Acting Like a Ditz!
Date de l'article :
25.12.2022
Début de l'événement :
03.12.2022
Fin de l'événement :
25.12.2022
Chapo de l'article :
How Pocket-Dialing Can C*ckblock You
Attack of The Killer Ex
How To Deal With A Psycho Ex During The Holidays
Attention Mongers Crybabies and Dramaheads
25 Signals You're Not Ready For a Online Dating
5 Skills Every Man And Woman Should Master
Can Sex Be A Laughing Matter?
The Sh*t Women Say That Piss Off Men
Dating a Jersey Shore Fan
Dealing With Exes on Valentine’s Day
A Decent Girl For a Nice Guy
There have been many online personals I have scrolled through while looking for dates and now I am far more picky with my selections. Oh, how I hate when I meet a girl I found on the personals for dinner who seems to be an over-achiever when it comes to her emotions. Seriously, what is up with women hopping up and down when they’re happy about the littlest god damn thing?
How I wish for the days when women were not educated by the CW or Reality Television shows. Now it seems like men have to bite their tongues while watching their dates perform a combo of baby claps and Stevie Wonder-like head bopping while they emit squeaking squeals of delight all because their appetizers have arrived.
Ladies, regardless what your mothers and your Cosmo magazines have told you in the past, good men do not like women who act less smart than they really are. You can stroke our egos by simply telling us we’re handsome and let out a slight chuckle when we say something funny. Please don’t let out Neve Campbell guffaws and say, “Oh my god! No way! That’s too funny!” when all we did was mention how we don’t like goat cheese on our salads.
Please don’t end every conversation with a question ending in the word ‘right?’ And for the love of God stop twirling your hair like a little girl waiting for an ice cream cone. It’s not attractive even if we still want to bang you after the date is over.
To get the respect of a man, you must not be afraid to be yourself. We want engaging conversation and genuine chemistry. We don’t want to end up with a girl who is lacking in substance and brain cells. So cut out the Snooki routine and act normal. Is that too much to ask for?
Attack of The Killer Ex
How To Deal With A Psycho Ex During The Holidays
Attention Mongers Crybabies and Dramaheads
25 Signals You're Not Ready For a Online Dating
5 Skills Every Man And Woman Should Master
Can Sex Be A Laughing Matter?
The Sh*t Women Say That Piss Off Men
Dating a Jersey Shore Fan
Dealing With Exes on Valentine’s Day
A Decent Girl For a Nice Guy
There have been many online personals I have scrolled through while looking for dates and now I am far more picky with my selections. Oh, how I hate when I meet a girl I found on the personals for dinner who seems to be an over-achiever when it comes to her emotions. Seriously, what is up with women hopping up and down when they’re happy about the littlest god damn thing?
How I wish for the days when women were not educated by the CW or Reality Television shows. Now it seems like men have to bite their tongues while watching their dates perform a combo of baby claps and Stevie Wonder-like head bopping while they emit squeaking squeals of delight all because their appetizers have arrived.
Ladies, regardless what your mothers and your Cosmo magazines have told you in the past, good men do not like women who act less smart than they really are. You can stroke our egos by simply telling us we’re handsome and let out a slight chuckle when we say something funny. Please don’t let out Neve Campbell guffaws and say, “Oh my god! No way! That’s too funny!” when all we did was mention how we don’t like goat cheese on our salads.
Please don’t end every conversation with a question ending in the word ‘right?’ And for the love of God stop twirling your hair like a little girl waiting for an ice cream cone. It’s not attractive even if we still want to bang you after the date is over.
To get the respect of a man, you must not be afraid to be yourself. We want engaging conversation and genuine chemistry. We don’t want to end up with a girl who is lacking in substance and brain cells. So cut out the Snooki routine and act normal. Is that too much to ask for?
Are Traditional Gender Roles Still Relevant in Modern Dating
Are Traditional Gender Roles Still Relevant in Modern Dating
Date de l'article :
26.03.2021
Début de l'événement :
26.03.2022
Fin de l'événement :
28.03.2022
Chapo de l'article :
We’re All Slutty For The Right Guy
Dear Men: This Is Why Loyalty Is So Important To Women
How Do You Avoid Dating a Liberal/Conservative?
Are You Looking For Fast Love Too?
Should You Fake an Active Lifestyle for Love?
When a Relationship Feels Like a Secret Mission
Pushing Through It
Embracing The Unexpected Path Of Singlehood
Why Is It So Hard to Believe Someone Might Stay?
Am I Crazy Or Is He A Hot Mess?
Happiness:
You are happiest after making empty goals for yourself that usually came directly from a cheesy self help book.
Signature Qualities:
Sloth, consistently good Netflix choices, getting drunk at dinner parties and saying inappropriate things
Famous Tank Floaters:
Britney Spears, Dennis Quade, Amy Winehouse
Your Reading:
Imagine yourself a fish swimming around aimlessly in a small tank – you come to the glass wall and can see freedom on the other side, but there’s no way to get out. That’s you – swimming from one dysfunctional relationship to the next, or through one long bad one, wanting to escape yet knowing that’s not really an option. You are a creature of habit, which in this case is soul crushing relationships that give you nothing but emotional baggage, wrinkles and an addiction to sleeping pills. As habits go, this is a pretty bad one. You consider single life until you catch a glimpse of the lonely – someone eating sushi alone, a woman reading solo in a park, a man playing tennis with himself – causing you to retreat back to your future, which is looking increasingly desperate and dark. You know it’s a destructive pattern, but that’s how it is in the toilet tank of life.
Sex:
It is your opinion that you haven’t been screwed properly in a decade or more.
Love:
You fell in love once, with your orthodontist.
Happiness:
You are happiest when traveling, because it’s non-committal.
Dear Men: This Is Why Loyalty Is So Important To Women
How Do You Avoid Dating a Liberal/Conservative?
Are You Looking For Fast Love Too?
Should You Fake an Active Lifestyle for Love?
When a Relationship Feels Like a Secret Mission
Pushing Through It
Embracing The Unexpected Path Of Singlehood
Why Is It So Hard to Believe Someone Might Stay?
Am I Crazy Or Is He A Hot Mess?
Happiness:
You are happiest after making empty goals for yourself that usually came directly from a cheesy self help book.
Signature Qualities:
Sloth, consistently good Netflix choices, getting drunk at dinner parties and saying inappropriate things
Famous Tank Floaters:
Britney Spears, Dennis Quade, Amy Winehouse
Your Reading:
Imagine yourself a fish swimming around aimlessly in a small tank – you come to the glass wall and can see freedom on the other side, but there’s no way to get out. That’s you – swimming from one dysfunctional relationship to the next, or through one long bad one, wanting to escape yet knowing that’s not really an option. You are a creature of habit, which in this case is soul crushing relationships that give you nothing but emotional baggage, wrinkles and an addiction to sleeping pills. As habits go, this is a pretty bad one. You consider single life until you catch a glimpse of the lonely – someone eating sushi alone, a woman reading solo in a park, a man playing tennis with himself – causing you to retreat back to your future, which is looking increasingly desperate and dark. You know it’s a destructive pattern, but that’s how it is in the toilet tank of life.
Sex:
It is your opinion that you haven’t been screwed properly in a decade or more.
Love:
You fell in love once, with your orthodontist.
Happiness:
You are happiest when traveling, because it’s non-committal.
AreTraditionalGenderRolesStillRelevantIn (Blog)
créée le 11.03.2025 à 17:38, mise à jour le 11.03.2025 à 17:38.
créée le 11.03.2025 à 17:38, mise à jour le 11.03.2025 à 17:38.
Building a Support System: Lean on Others During Hard Times
Building a Support System: Lean on Others During Hard Times
Date de l'article :
25.03.2022
Début de l'événement :
25.03.2022
Fin de l'événement :
27.03.2022
Chapo de l'article :
He Had an Affair Because I Stopped Initiating Sex
He Makes Me Feel Bad About Being Fat
He Lost Interest in Our Marriage
Saving A Marriage: He Lost His Job
He Lets His Mother Rule Our Lives and I'm Sick of It
Commitment Jitters
Love and Lust: When Chemistry Outruns Endurance
Bi Bi Love
Dealing With Your Partner’s Bedroom Confessions
Can His Squalor Be Squelched?
Asunder Down Under
Conquering Long Distance Dating
Coveting a Coworker
Are you really surprised that you do get reactions?
It is ok to either like or dislike how people choose to express themselves using emoticons or not, but you could have skipped humiliating comparisons. At the end of the day, it’s not like you’re obligated to date those guys anyway so I see no point in insulting potential readers. Generally I do think you are making a fine job of making cheerful posts representing the birds’ side of the table we call dating.
And then to the point and my opinion…
Why do you think it is that silly to use even a lot of emoticons? I mean I can see your point of the attractiveness of proper spelling and punctuation but apart from that I see emoticons as a way of conveying your emotions on limited phones. Of course phones are not that limited any longer, but the tradition of emoticons started way back ago when there were severe limitations. This tradition has been carried along, and frankly I find it interesting that people continue to write in a short manner when there really is no need to do so. Another proof that humans are creatures of habits after all.
Reply
Cali Bradshaw
November 17, 2011 at 1:25 am #
Hi there. Thanks for the comment. I see your point, but the key is, it is my blog. So if I want to be saucy and feisty and provocative – I can! I am not here to sugar coat it. No one wants to read a wishy-washy, let me hold your hand post. And note, it was just one reaction. I don’t think your average joe was offended by this post. In fact, a guy at work read it and emailed me that he could not agree more…
He Makes Me Feel Bad About Being Fat
He Lost Interest in Our Marriage
Saving A Marriage: He Lost His Job
He Lets His Mother Rule Our Lives and I'm Sick of It
Commitment Jitters
Love and Lust: When Chemistry Outruns Endurance
Bi Bi Love
Dealing With Your Partner’s Bedroom Confessions
Can His Squalor Be Squelched?
Asunder Down Under
Conquering Long Distance Dating
Coveting a Coworker
Are you really surprised that you do get reactions?
It is ok to either like or dislike how people choose to express themselves using emoticons or not, but you could have skipped humiliating comparisons. At the end of the day, it’s not like you’re obligated to date those guys anyway so I see no point in insulting potential readers. Generally I do think you are making a fine job of making cheerful posts representing the birds’ side of the table we call dating.
And then to the point and my opinion…
Why do you think it is that silly to use even a lot of emoticons? I mean I can see your point of the attractiveness of proper spelling and punctuation but apart from that I see emoticons as a way of conveying your emotions on limited phones. Of course phones are not that limited any longer, but the tradition of emoticons started way back ago when there were severe limitations. This tradition has been carried along, and frankly I find it interesting that people continue to write in a short manner when there really is no need to do so. Another proof that humans are creatures of habits after all.
Reply
Cali Bradshaw
November 17, 2011 at 1:25 am #
Hi there. Thanks for the comment. I see your point, but the key is, it is my blog. So if I want to be saucy and feisty and provocative – I can! I am not here to sugar coat it. No one wants to read a wishy-washy, let me hold your hand post. And note, it was just one reaction. I don’t think your average joe was offended by this post. In fact, a guy at work read it and emailed me that he could not agree more…
BuildingASupportSystemLeanOnOthersDurin (Blog)
créée le 18.03.2025 à 17:44, mise à jour le 18.03.2025 à 17:44.
créée le 18.03.2025 à 17:44, mise à jour le 18.03.2025 à 17:44.
How to Avoid Dating People Who See You as Just a Burden
How to Avoid Dating People Who See You as Just a Burden
Date de l'article :
12.03.2022
Début de l'événement :
25.03.2022
Fin de l'événement :
27.03.2022
Chapo de l'article :
Is He Assertive or Just Angry?
Why I’m Done Playing by Traditional Dating Rules
Modern Romance: The New Dating Rules
Can You Spot the Four Types of Men Out There?
What to Do When a Friendship Becomes Toxic
How to Take Advantage of Being Single
He Acted Like He Was Still Single
Following My Dream Nearly Cost Me My Marriage
Agenda
A. Chivalry is a must
B. If u make the plans u pay for the plans
C. When in doubt u pay
D. Compliments never get old
E. Put in as much effort in planning the date as she does getting ready for the date
Someone should write a quick reference card on how to be a gentlemen in our changing society!
Reply
Cali Bradshaw
March 22, 2011 at 1:05 am #
Ricky! What a refreshing and lovely list. The funny thing is, guys are often so busy trying to get into our pants, that they don’t realize that these “old school” techniques will get them so much farther. Love your point E. Thanks for reading and for the comment.
-Cali
Reply
Sophie
March 21, 2011 at 8:46 pm #
Hi Cali,
I thought I’d give my point of view from ‘across the pond’ and I have to say that I don’t agree that a guy should pay all the time.
If a guy makes the first move and asks a girl out on a first date, then I think he should pay. I would offer to split it and it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he accepted that offer. But it’s certainly nicer if he refuses.
Why I’m Done Playing by Traditional Dating Rules
Modern Romance: The New Dating Rules
Can You Spot the Four Types of Men Out There?
What to Do When a Friendship Becomes Toxic
How to Take Advantage of Being Single
He Acted Like He Was Still Single
Following My Dream Nearly Cost Me My Marriage
Agenda
A. Chivalry is a must
B. If u make the plans u pay for the plans
C. When in doubt u pay
D. Compliments never get old
E. Put in as much effort in planning the date as she does getting ready for the date
Someone should write a quick reference card on how to be a gentlemen in our changing society!
Reply
Cali Bradshaw
March 22, 2011 at 1:05 am #
Ricky! What a refreshing and lovely list. The funny thing is, guys are often so busy trying to get into our pants, that they don’t realize that these “old school” techniques will get them so much farther. Love your point E. Thanks for reading and for the comment.
-Cali
Reply
Sophie
March 21, 2011 at 8:46 pm #
Hi Cali,
I thought I’d give my point of view from ‘across the pond’ and I have to say that I don’t agree that a guy should pay all the time.
If a guy makes the first move and asks a girl out on a first date, then I think he should pay. I would offer to split it and it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he accepted that offer. But it’s certainly nicer if he refuses.
HowToAvoidDatingPeopleWhoSeeYouAsJust (Blog)
créée le 14.03.2025 à 16:27, mise à jour le 14.03.2025 à 16:27.
créée le 14.03.2025 à 16:27, mise à jour le 14.03.2025 à 16:27.
Set the playing field that benefits YOU
Set the playing field that benefits YOU
Date de l'article :
25.03.2022
Début de l'événement :
25.03.2022
Fin de l'événement :
27.03.2022
Chapo de l'article :
Marriage vs. Addiction: Winning the Battle for Love
Marriage Without Intimacy: Can Love Survive the Distance?
Holding On or Letting Go: When Addiction Tests a Marriage
The Marriage We Almost Lost: How Unemployment Changed Everything
Marriage And Chaos: Finding Common Ground in Parenting
He Seemed Interested. So Why Didn’t He Call?
Online Dating Isn’t Desperation
Changing Your Dating Approach
Why Modern Dating is More Complicated Than Ever
Dating Someone With Debt
Marriage vs. Parenthood: Life After Having a Baby
The Fine Line Between Casual Dating and Commitment
How to Handle the Truth After Discovering a Betray
Set the playing field that benefits YOU, don’t let other people lead you into a shitty field. You wouldn’t fight a war on the other army’s home turf if you had the option of fighting it on yours.
“then just leave.”
All good. Another victory night! You ran some good shit, avoided a time-wasting trap, and once again went through the process of “I put my pants on, I go out, and I to people and flirt with girls, that’s who Scray is.”
“So, at this point, I’m deciding that my drug dealer opener is less me.”
Cool man, your openers/routines will change and evolve as you go. I used to write down a lot of my stuff just to help me remember it, and when I look back on openers/routines I used like 5 years ago, they just completely aren’t “me” anymore. They were “me” at the time, but your vibe will change and evolve, and so will your game and the things that feel congruent for you.
“I resolve to go direct”
Also cool, give it a go, try it out, play with it. Personally I think the optimal route for a short dude is to build value/etc. with a chick’s group (or your social circle or the bartenders etc.) and then target a girl and qualify her and go direct from there, juuuust to avoid what that other short guy was saying about how instant-direct forces a girl to decide right then and there if she’s going to fuck you and since a lot of girls will categorize you as “not fuckable” based on height, you might lose out on girls that you could’ve gotten if you built a little value first and THEN went more direct.
BUT, try it out if you feel it. You have to try a bunch of different shit out and see what sticks and feels right to you. I don’t like going direct much myself because I like a lot of ridiculous verbal word-play and flirting with innuendo etc., that’s fun to me…BUT, I have gone out a bunch and gone 100% direct, and I still go direct now and then just for the practice.
It’s like if you’re a boxer, that’s cool, but if you learn to do some kicking too, you’re more well-rounded…and who knows maybe you’ll find out you really like kicking more. Only you can feel that out, but you should give kicking a chance before ruling it out, just to understand it. :)
Marriage Without Intimacy: Can Love Survive the Distance?
Holding On or Letting Go: When Addiction Tests a Marriage
The Marriage We Almost Lost: How Unemployment Changed Everything
Marriage And Chaos: Finding Common Ground in Parenting
He Seemed Interested. So Why Didn’t He Call?
Online Dating Isn’t Desperation
Changing Your Dating Approach
Why Modern Dating is More Complicated Than Ever
Dating Someone With Debt
Marriage vs. Parenthood: Life After Having a Baby
The Fine Line Between Casual Dating and Commitment
How to Handle the Truth After Discovering a Betray
Set the playing field that benefits YOU, don’t let other people lead you into a shitty field. You wouldn’t fight a war on the other army’s home turf if you had the option of fighting it on yours.
“then just leave.”
All good. Another victory night! You ran some good shit, avoided a time-wasting trap, and once again went through the process of “I put my pants on, I go out, and I to people and flirt with girls, that’s who Scray is.”
“So, at this point, I’m deciding that my drug dealer opener is less me.”
Cool man, your openers/routines will change and evolve as you go. I used to write down a lot of my stuff just to help me remember it, and when I look back on openers/routines I used like 5 years ago, they just completely aren’t “me” anymore. They were “me” at the time, but your vibe will change and evolve, and so will your game and the things that feel congruent for you.
“I resolve to go direct”
Also cool, give it a go, try it out, play with it. Personally I think the optimal route for a short dude is to build value/etc. with a chick’s group (or your social circle or the bartenders etc.) and then target a girl and qualify her and go direct from there, juuuust to avoid what that other short guy was saying about how instant-direct forces a girl to decide right then and there if she’s going to fuck you and since a lot of girls will categorize you as “not fuckable” based on height, you might lose out on girls that you could’ve gotten if you built a little value first and THEN went more direct.
BUT, try it out if you feel it. You have to try a bunch of different shit out and see what sticks and feels right to you. I don’t like going direct much myself because I like a lot of ridiculous verbal word-play and flirting with innuendo etc., that’s fun to me…BUT, I have gone out a bunch and gone 100% direct, and I still go direct now and then just for the practice.
It’s like if you’re a boxer, that’s cool, but if you learn to do some kicking too, you’re more well-rounded…and who knows maybe you’ll find out you really like kicking more. Only you can feel that out, but you should give kicking a chance before ruling it out, just to understand it. :)
SetThePlayingFieldThatBenefitsYou (Blog)
créée le 27.03.2025 à 17:35, mise à jour le 27.03.2025 à 17:35.
créée le 27.03.2025 à 17:35, mise à jour le 27.03.2025 à 17:35.
How to Deal with a Guy Who Distances Himself
How to Deal with a Guy Who Distances Himself
Date de l'article :
25.03.2022
Début de l'événement :
18.03.2022
Fin de l'événement :
21.03.2022
Chapo de l'article :
His Ex is Ruining Our Marriage
Balancing Step-Parenting and Marital Harmony
Rebuilding a Marriage in the Sandwich Generation Squeeze
A Marriage Tested by Cancer
His Business Crashed — And So Did Our Marriage
Dating a Recovering Alcoholic
Is It Weird to Date a Relative?
His Cheatin’ Heart
What’s Our Relationship Status?
Should You Give an Ex a Second Chance?
Long-Distance Love vs. Local Connection
Trust in a Strained Marriage: Letters in the Attic
Dating Rules: Smart Strategy or Outdated Nonsense?
Terry,
What do you think is the most constructive way to deal with distancing behaviour from a guy? He says he has some personal issues to sort out, and he does want to see me, but not yet.
I have given him the space he needs and cut contact completely. I have put myself back on the dating scene again.
If he does call in the future, I dont want to play games, but I am going to be somewhat unavailable.
Do you agree, and how do you do this well?
Sian
Hello, Sian-
Congratulations on getting back on the dating scene. Pat yourself on the back for avoiding contact. You're not waiting around for this guy, and that's a very good thing indeed. Your behavior demonstrates self-resepect, and that's attractive.
If the guy should call you again, I definitely understand your reluctance to play games (it falls under the Golden Dating Rule of "Treat him as you would have him treat you, and if he doesn't treat you as you would treat him, hit the highway).
However, if and when this man comes around, being less available is not playing games. He hasn't earned any rights to your time. Playing games entails looking hard to get. The key is to actually enjoy a full life by making plans with friends, dating other guys (as you're already doing), and keeping busy doing things you love.
Let Mr. Not-Ready-to-See-You earn your attention.
Remember this: Every human being, man or woman, wants to date a prize. Nobody wants to date the person who jumps when the phone rings. By keeping busy, you've eliminated the possibility of being that person.
Now...
I realize that this sounds just dandy, but it doesn't mean much when you obviously like this guy, and he's made himself unavailable.
It hurts.
And it's possible that you can't fully enjoy the other guys you're dating while your heart is set on this fellow who may or may not get around to making you a priority.
The best advice I can give you here is -- and please don't gag --to work on loving yourself. I am dead serious.
You may be thinking, hey, I do love myself. Well, that's probably true to some extent, but love yourself some more. When you love yourself, the good things you attract will amaze you.
It's possible this guy who currently eludes you will pick up on your heightened self-regard and recognize you for the good thing you are. Or, it's possible you'll lose interest (painlessly) in him altogether, and you'll fall for another guy who's totally into you and never lets you forget it.
Now how do you reach these new heights of self-love, you ask? Well, I strongly suggest you start repeating this very effective affirmation:
"I, Sian, deeply and completely love and accept myself."
If you say it as you're looking in the mirror, I suspect it will freak you out. And that's a good thing because you'll realize that you have a little work to do in the self-love department. Keep it up.
Repeat it out loud (privately!) at least 25 times a day. You will feel a shift in your feelings and behavior in a week or so. What's more, you'll see a shift in the circumstances and people you attract.
If I haven't convinced you to try it, please consider this: It's been said that you cannot really love someone else until you love yourself, but I've found that no one else can love you until you love yourself, either.
You deserve the very best in life, Sian, and I suspect you already know that's quite a bit more than a guy who wants to see you, "but not yet."
Balancing Step-Parenting and Marital Harmony
Rebuilding a Marriage in the Sandwich Generation Squeeze
A Marriage Tested by Cancer
His Business Crashed — And So Did Our Marriage
Dating a Recovering Alcoholic
Is It Weird to Date a Relative?
His Cheatin’ Heart
What’s Our Relationship Status?
Should You Give an Ex a Second Chance?
Long-Distance Love vs. Local Connection
Trust in a Strained Marriage: Letters in the Attic
Dating Rules: Smart Strategy or Outdated Nonsense?
Terry,
What do you think is the most constructive way to deal with distancing behaviour from a guy? He says he has some personal issues to sort out, and he does want to see me, but not yet.
I have given him the space he needs and cut contact completely. I have put myself back on the dating scene again.
If he does call in the future, I dont want to play games, but I am going to be somewhat unavailable.
Do you agree, and how do you do this well?
Sian
Hello, Sian-
Congratulations on getting back on the dating scene. Pat yourself on the back for avoiding contact. You're not waiting around for this guy, and that's a very good thing indeed. Your behavior demonstrates self-resepect, and that's attractive.
If the guy should call you again, I definitely understand your reluctance to play games (it falls under the Golden Dating Rule of "Treat him as you would have him treat you, and if he doesn't treat you as you would treat him, hit the highway).
However, if and when this man comes around, being less available is not playing games. He hasn't earned any rights to your time. Playing games entails looking hard to get. The key is to actually enjoy a full life by making plans with friends, dating other guys (as you're already doing), and keeping busy doing things you love.
Let Mr. Not-Ready-to-See-You earn your attention.
Remember this: Every human being, man or woman, wants to date a prize. Nobody wants to date the person who jumps when the phone rings. By keeping busy, you've eliminated the possibility of being that person.
Now...
I realize that this sounds just dandy, but it doesn't mean much when you obviously like this guy, and he's made himself unavailable.
It hurts.
And it's possible that you can't fully enjoy the other guys you're dating while your heart is set on this fellow who may or may not get around to making you a priority.
The best advice I can give you here is -- and please don't gag --to work on loving yourself. I am dead serious.
You may be thinking, hey, I do love myself. Well, that's probably true to some extent, but love yourself some more. When you love yourself, the good things you attract will amaze you.
It's possible this guy who currently eludes you will pick up on your heightened self-regard and recognize you for the good thing you are. Or, it's possible you'll lose interest (painlessly) in him altogether, and you'll fall for another guy who's totally into you and never lets you forget it.
Now how do you reach these new heights of self-love, you ask? Well, I strongly suggest you start repeating this very effective affirmation:
"I, Sian, deeply and completely love and accept myself."
If you say it as you're looking in the mirror, I suspect it will freak you out. And that's a good thing because you'll realize that you have a little work to do in the self-love department. Keep it up.
Repeat it out loud (privately!) at least 25 times a day. You will feel a shift in your feelings and behavior in a week or so. What's more, you'll see a shift in the circumstances and people you attract.
If I haven't convinced you to try it, please consider this: It's been said that you cannot really love someone else until you love yourself, but I've found that no one else can love you until you love yourself, either.
You deserve the very best in life, Sian, and I suspect you already know that's quite a bit more than a guy who wants to see you, "but not yet."
HowToDealWithAGuyWhoDistancesHimself (Blog)
créée le 25.03.2025 à 17:56, mise à jour le 25.03.2025 à 17:56.
créée le 25.03.2025 à 17:56, mise à jour le 25.03.2025 à 17:56.